They Say

I am on my sem break, everyone so hey. This week is the 3rd week of my holiday. My daily routine would be just the same, since its a routine: wake up, ensure the house is clean, cook, do the notes, pick up my brothers & sisters in school, teach kamalia.

I love listening to the music. I always love. I have always listened to the music whilst I do the routine. These days, I decided to turn off the music & I realize one thing. I could listen to my heart, my heart actually speaks to me in various ways. That moment I realize that I have been ignoring my heart for a long time, it is hard to face the fact that I did that to myself.

These days I have been searching who is me. What I am good at. I am too aware about my weaknesses until I could not see any of my strengths. I listened to people & let them define me. I care too much what others think of me, until I realize today that I have lost myself. 

They say that "you dont look like a medical student. To be a medical student, you have to show that you are a medical student; to always be cool & serious. To always show that you are the smartest guy in the room". I say to be a medical student you dont have to show that, it is okay to be silly sometimes, but deep down inside you know you are brilliant, you know what to do with your patients. 

They say that "why do you eat & walk alone? You look lonely" I say I am just tired with people. I love to be alone. I dont feel lonely in my own company. I love to be my own company. 

They say "to be an emcee you have to do it like me, you have to do it like him". I say I cant be like him, I cant be like you, I just can be the best version of myself. 

They say pity you. "He left you & he go with another girl". I say what he does reflects who he is & not who I am. Allah knows what best for me. 

They say "text him everyday so that he knows that he is important in your life". I say I dont need all that. If he really wants to stay, he will stay. If he doesnt want to, nothing will make him stay

They say "if someone gives present during your birthday, they are the truest friends". I say I do not need that. A true friend is someone who is there for me during my hard times & he willingly to listen my endless stories.

They say "it is attractive if you can smile more often". I say I am not a robot. Sometimes world breaks me down & I feel sad & cry 

They define a beauty of a woman is based on how much likes that they got on Instagram. I define the beauty of a woman comes from the internal, based on what she does, what she serves to others, how she treats & value people. 

I have been searching myself for so damn long, until I finally find myself back today. It is such a relief. Indeed 

Dont let others define you, love. They dont know a single thing about you. What we define ourselves matter because at the end of the day, believe me its just you & yourself. & Allah. People will not be there for you.