Recapitulation

Hai and assalamualaikum,

So here is me saying sorry for not updating the interview of upm since i had been so busy in the past few months because i wanted to spend more time with myself and relax from everything that was messing up with my head and now i am here all new and free, like those balloons ;) But hey, if you guys have any enquiries regarding to the interview of faculty of medicine, upm you guys can hit me up at sabrinashekhahmad@gmail.com !! ♥♥

I once prayed that i wanted this break to be the most meaningful holiday in my life since its five months & long & i successfully had waste the previous holidays (cuti spm & first sem break) with great laziness & useless activities. Indeed, He is the best planner. Something happened to me and it totally changed me 360 degrees. 

It was a week full of confusion & exhaustion with everything in this world. My mental, emotion & physical were weary with people & myself. I still remember how I woke up every morning. I felt useless, dumb, confused & I would say I was completely lost. That moment, I told myself "This is not you, sabrina. This is not you". I just realized one of my biggest fear is to lose myself and it was freaking scary than any horror movies I have ever watched in my entire life. 

I still remember how I pick up every pieces of myself quietly without telling anyone & i tell you guys, that moment i realized i was one of the strongest woman in world. Everyday, every morning, every single time, I would wear my smiles to hide the scars beneath my body. There is a proverb saying that "A friend in need is a friend indeed". Yeah, that moment is the moment where I found the truest friend of mine. I am beyond grateful to have them. 

One of the most quintessential things I have learned from what I had been through is; in the end of the day, you just have yourself. I remember telling myself; you have allowed yourself to get until this point, suffer through it, feel the pain. Once you have done, wake up & never look back again. I never thought I could have the strength to do all these things and for that I thank Allah. 

"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience.And paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience"

- The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck 

June 2018

1) Journal

I started to install an application that called as "Day One". Seriously, journal is the best platform where I often pour my heart out. It was such a relief.

2) I bought a fiction book!

Honestly, fiction book is not my cup of tea. However, as long as it involves reading, I would just grab it and read it out loud. 

3) UNINSTALL SOCIAL MEDIA

Masyaallah people, I pun terkejut! Basically, the idea of this popped in my mind once I watch one of the recommendation videos on youtube. Surprisingly, uninstalling social media was one of the best decision I have ever made. You guys should try. I found myself to live more in presence, appreciate all the moments & people in my life.

July 2018 

1)  Discover a website

Thank god, this website is really helpful. http://www.planetofsuccess.com . I often read quotes of happiness, success from this website. I found it is hard to meet the movies that is compatible with my taste, but one of the reasons I love about this website is TADAAAAAAA there is a section of inspirational movies recommendation. If you guys love based on a true story movie, or biography you guys should try! http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/2016/top-inspirational-movies/

2) Watching inspirational movies

I swear watching inspirational movies is one of the ways I escape the world. By doing this, I started to gain and build a new perspective. Once you have watched, you will get wired! Like me, hehe. Here is a fact; I had to watch at least one inspirational movie a week. It really changed my life. 

3) INSTALL SOCIAL MEDIA AGAIN

Gosh, I swear this didnt help me a thing but make myself to be even worst. For that, I want to raise my hand up as the one who should be blamed for this silly decision I made. I just realized all these times, social media was one of the major reason of my unhappinesss in life. So, uninstall it again hehe. 

4) Reading a non-fiction book

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck was my first non-fiction book and it was really good & funny. I started to realize what problems I should care about or simply just dont give a f about that. And and and yeah, I started to stop expecting anything from people. 

5) Watching motivational videos 

I started to subscribe some of the vloggers where I found they are inspiring. The first vlogger I subscribed was John Fish. One of the things I love about him is he is smart andddddd he really loves to read books. I read TSAONGAF at the instance I watched his video. 

Team Fearless & Fearless Soul . Both are my favourite. I watched at least one video from them every single morning and i could feel it changed my morning and the most important thing, my life! 

Btw, I love to listen to TEDx Talks everytime I wanna eat my lunch or dinner.

6) Doing thing that I love

Got the chance to perform again in school hahahha & it was exciting! I also join to help krs in kawad & it feels good to be back again. Our team got the first place (putera) in daerah & second place (puteri) while for negeri the boys got the third place while we girls got fifth. alhamdulillah

August 2018

1) Forgiveness

I told you guys, this is one of the hardest thing I had to do. Easy to write, easier to say, but bitter to do. It required me sheer strength of myself to do it. As a matter of fact, I learned that whenever we face a problem, the very first thing we have and wajib to do is to forgive ourselves & forgive people (even they didnt even say sorry to you). 

"Forgiving isnt something you do for someone else. Its something you do for yourself. Its saying, youre not important to have a strangehold on me. Its saying you dont get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future"

- Storyteller by Jodi Picoult 

2) GOALS

Setting goals every week is a super new for me but guess what? It makes my week to be more meaningful, full of purpose. One of the reasons I wake up excited every day in the morning!! 

3) Deactivate my social media

I found myself happier than ever since I uninstall them. So, to pursue the happiness more, I just deactivated them. Simply because I do not need them. No, not anymore.

I have always believed that Allah is the best planner. All these paths I took step by step I sometimes asked Allah like "why me?". I even feel like giving up, lying on my bed, feeling nothing (ok macam lagu shawn mendes). Little did I know, He has something for me. A gift.

Finally, alhamdulillah! The upu result eventually came out and yeah I was accepted to pursue my degree in faculty of medicine, uitm! I feel like crying already imagining what I had been through for all these times. It was a sweet time grieving, indeed.

"You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become after what happened to you" 

- Selena Gomez 

As you could see, I kind of obsessed with quotes, and yes I am really obsessed with them hahahahaha! 

For those out there, who are floundering with anything, please do not give up. It does not matter how much you fall. What matters is you get back up again. Get back up stronger! 

Wish me luck for my medical school that I am gonna attend in 2 weeks from now! ♥ 

hehehhe haaaaiiii :D